Chapter 168: Spooning
They talked for hours, and made love again, this time for
both of them, and maybe things weren't different or better, but they were
closer to normal, so that seemed like a good step.
Tim feels like, at least in regards to the flu, that he's
pretty close to healed up.
It's fairly late, they've just had sex, and he's very
pleasantly sleepy, but not completely wiped out. He's actually feeling really
good, and is just waiting for her to get back to bed so he can snuggle in close
and fall asleep.
For the last five days she's been spooning him, which has
been nice, he likes getting cuddled, too, but he's ready to get back to their
routine.
So he was a little pouty when she slid into their bed and
tapped him on the shoulder, indicating she wants him to roll over, back to her.
He did, feeling a little disappointed. "I wanted to
hold you."
She scooted up behind him, threading her arm under his.
"You've got my arm."
"Not the same thing," he said, kissing her
fingers.
"I know. But right now the curve of your back is
exactly the right shape and size to support Kelly and it feels really good. Way
more comfortable than the pillow." She usually sleeps hugging a pillow,
and until last week it had been providing sleep support for Kelly.
He can't exactly argue with that, so he squeezes her hand,
and tries to settle down, but he's missing her body against the front of his.
"Feels kind of weird."
"Weird?"
"Yeah, you're supposed to be in front of me. My lips
are supposed to be on your shoulder, your chest is supposed to be against my
arm, I should be able to feel your breath on my hand."
He feels her shrug. "This is really comfortable."
He doesn't disagree with that. That's part of why he likes being on the
outside, having her to hold onto is really comfortable.
"Okay. Just isn't what I've got in my mind as
sleep."
"You'll get used to it. Not like this'll work for much
more than another month."
"I know. Just… I miss the way your hair smells."
She thought about that. "Lift your head."
He did, and she flipped the pillow around. "Now you've
got my side of the pillow. Better?"
"Yeah." He twined his fingers with hers, pressing
them against his chest, and settled into sleeping.
Almost.
He was about three quarters gone, in that stage where he
wasn't quite dreaming but was very vividly imagining things when he noticed
that sort of gentle rustling feeling against his back wasn't something he was
imagining.
It brought him all the way back up to awake, and he just lay
there, holding Abby's hand, feeling Kelly doing whatever she was doing, and
suddenly it was really okay that he couldn't smell Abby's hair.
He lay there, awake, feeling Kelly… kicking? Swimming?
Getting a little stretch? It's fast and fluttery, and the last two days start
to slide into perspective, the past starts to ease back to where it belongs.
The past won't change, can't change, but it can't own him
either. He can feel it, two lives, two insanely precious lives pressed against
his back. Two lives who depend on him to be functional. Who depend on him for
love and peace and home, and he's got to be able to do it.
And maybe the thing with his Dad isn't done. Maybe it'll
never be done. That John didn't love him will always be there. Just like losing
her parents will always be there for Abby, and losing Shannon and Kelly will
always be there for Gibbs.
But just because it isn't done doesn't mean he can't leave
it behind him. Doesn't mean he didn't build a life, a good, solid, strong life
around that hole.
Nothing changed. Maybe he understands it better, and that's
something he'll need to deal with, but when it comes down to it, nothing
changed. Time to live like that.
Go forward. Be the husband and father and man his dad
wasn't.
Kelly settled down, and he let his mind drift among images
of playing with his girls.
No comments:
Post a Comment