Fan fic, original fic, fic recs, and artwork by Keryl Raist.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Shards To A Whole: Chapter 421: Thinking Time
McGee-centric character study/romance. Want to start at the beginning? Click here.
421: Thinking Time
Tim wakes up to the feel of the bed shifting next to him. Strange sensation. He's familiar with the feel of Abby getting in or out of the bed, but usually, if it's rocking like it is now, he's having sex, but he's not having sex. (He might be pretty sleepy, but he's awfully clear on that.)
As he comes a bit more awake, he notices that not only is he not having sex, he's also not snuggled up against anyone else.
So, if he's alone, the bed should be still, because he knows he's not the one rocking.
Which is when the whole, not in the bed all alone thing hit, as well as why the bed is rocking.
He's lying on his side, and one eye lazes open, seeing Jimmy and Breena making love about ten inches away.
It's beautiful. He feels a little dumb thinking that, but it is. She's on top, rocking back and forth, breasts and buttocks swaying with each thrust, sunlight gleaming on her skin and hair.
Jimmy's on his back, hands on her hips, guiding her, watching her, looking at her with such tenderness, love, and desire.
She leans down, kissing him, lips open, wet, moving faster.
They're both being quiet. (Baby girls are still, thank you God, sleeping.) Their moves are soft, comfortable, well-practiced, and beautiful.
That's really the only word he can think of for it. Okay, not the only one. Erotic springs to mind, too. But lots of things are erotic but not necessarily beautiful, but this is.
It's hitting him that he's never actually seen someone else make love before. Yes, last night they were watching each other, at the club they were watching, but that was putting on a show. Getting off on being watched, pulling out all the tricks (quietly), trying to look good as well as feel good.
That was about all four of them.
This is Jimmy and Breena, and them loving each other. And, for a little bit, at least, he's getting to share in on that.
He feels Abby slide back into the bed, snugging in front of him, so they're spooned together, and she can watch, too.
"Where'd you go?" He practically breathes it against her ear.
"Pregnant bladder," she whispers back. Just because Sean's the size of a golf ball doesn't mean that her bladder knows that. It's under the impression that she needs to pee the first second she wakes up.
She shrugs, rubbing up against him in a fairly deliberate way.
"You up for this?"
She nods, and rocks against him. "I can feel you are."
He smiles against the back of her neck, kissing gently. With his right arm in the sling and his right shoulder still healing, he can't, yet, lay on his right side. Which means, if they're spooning, like they are now, his functional arm is on the bottom, under Abby's neck. Which means his left hand isn't doing her all that much good.
He can't get it anywhere that really needs to be touched in this position.
She's mostly taking care of herself, and watching Jimmy and Breena, who are moving faster, kissing deeper, is ramping them up, too. He's kissing her back, nibbling on her neck and shoulder, rubbing the tip of his dick over her clit as much as he can. (Also a bit tricky from behind without hands.)
She shifts her angle, and he slips in. She's not all the way turned on, still a little dry, so more friction than usual and he hisses, biting her shoulder gently. Slick is good, slick is very good, but so is tight friction.
He thrusts gently, short, shallow strokes, and he manages to get his left hand to her breast, rolling her nipple between his fingers.
Wet comes, slick joins it, he's moving easier, slipping in and out, shallow thrusts, getting her g-spot over and over, feeling her fingers brushing against his dick as she rubs herself off.
Morning sex, since the addition of Kelly to the mix, is fast. Not necessarily fast as in frantic thrusting, but not drawn out. No multiple orgasms, and neither of them tries to spin the other out. It's usually, when they manage to get some, done in less than ten minutes. Just a happy, gentle boost to set and hold a good mood for the day.
And today's not an exception to that rule.
When he feels her go tight on him, he lets go, thrusting faster, deeper, trusting her to get herself there with him, and she does, body sweet and pulsing around his as his pleasure arcs through him.
He's blissful and quiet, enjoying her warm and wet and gently twitching on him, watching the fine hairs on her shoulder, and the way the sun lights her skin, when the fact that Jimmy and Breena just watched that hit.
Watched them have real sex, not put on a show.
It feels okay.
Feels better than okay, really. Maybe it's the post-sex oxytocin pulsing through him, but he's really pleased at the idea that they got to share that with them.
"Can you reach the tissues?" For a second, he wonders why Abby's asking because there's no possible way for him to reach anything. The only arm that reaches is currently wrapped around her from beneath. Then he realizes that she's asking Jimmy, who can, and does.
A few seconds later, she's off of him, and they're wiping up.
A second after that, Anna begins to chirp, and morning really begins.
Sharing the room is intimate beyond just the scorching hot sex level. Once Anna's up, Breena heads over to fetch her, and the quiet, every-day morning routines begin.
She's sitting on the bed, back against the headboard, still naked, and nursing Anna.
Tim unstraps his arm and starts his morning PT. These days he double times it. Getting his foot exercises and stretches in while he works with his arm. So, stupid though he thinks it looks, he's standing next to the bed, rising onto his toes and down again (both feet at once) and then moving onto standing on just the one foot, while working on raising and lowering his arm, moving it in every direction.
Jimmy's eyeing his progress as he's changing Molly's diaper, nodding along. "We working on you tonight?"
That's their usual Saturday and Wednesday nights right now.
"Hoping to be doing something more interesting Saturday night?" Tim asks.
"Got the house to ourselves for the evening, we can tuck the girls in Jethro and Abbi's room and make all the noise we want, so, yeah!" Breena adds.
Kelly starts her morning chirping and Abby, wrapping up her tooth brushing, goes to grab her.
"Okay, Molly, you're all set," Jimmy tells his daughter. "I want you to go get a bathing suit and a t-shirt, okay?"
Jimmy heads to the bathroom, washes his hands, and then comes back out. He opens a drawer in one of the bedside tables and takes… Tim's not sure what it is. Jimmy can feel the way Tim's watching him.
"Blood sugar. I have to check it every night and every morning. And if I go overboard on the carbs, I need to check it again."
"Oh." Tim watches as Jimmy pokes himself in the arm. "Didn't know you did that."
Jimmy shrugs. "Try to be discreet with it." He waits a few seconds. "Eighty-six."
"Is that good?" Abby asks, getting Kelly changed and dressed.
Breena nods. "Yeah, it's supposed to be between seventy and one hundred first thing in the morning."
Jimmy adds, "Those are 'normal' levels. It was over 600 when I slipped into the coma that got me diagnosed."
"Did you check it last night?" Abby asks.
"Yeah, while we were talking." He shrugs a little. "If you've never seen it before, it can be off-putting, so…" Didn't think whipping it out when we were getting ready for sex was a good plan, is unspoken but they all get it.
"Oh." Abby says. "It's fine, you know? Don't ever have to feel like you've got to hide this stuff, okay?"
Tim nods. "Not from us, not from the rest of the crew, either. Not like anyone's going to pass out from that microliter of blood."
Jimmy smirks, and then says, a bit more seriously, "It's not that… Don't want to be treated like I'm fragile. Special diet is enough crap… Don't need you all constantly aware that I'm sick. I prefer you not thinking about it."
Tim opens and closes his mouth. He hadn't thought much about that, not in regards to Jimmy, because he doesn't usually think about Jimmy being sick, but with people carrying things, and opening doors, and all the rest of the special treatment he's been getting lately, he's certainly aware of how good it feels to just be normal and invisible.
For the most part, Tim would very much prefer to have two perfectly working arms, thank you very much. However, there is a certain amount of babying he's been getting that he is appreciating, and right now, Abby shampooing his hair is his favorite of the bunch. Morning sex, getting to watch Jimmy and Breena, and his hair washed, he's liking this quite a bit.
Add to that the fact that when the Slaters built this place, they went hog wild on the bathroom, so the shower is not only huge but has multiple shower heads, and yes, he is one very happy Tim. (He's also thinking that when they re-do their bathroom, they are definitely getting multiple shower heads, and that this is going on the list of things that will be true about their bathroom at the house, as well. As best he can remember, the last time he and Abby were able to get a shower, together, and no one was out of the water, freezing his/her ass off, was their honeymoon.)
So, he's sitting on the floor of the shower (easier for Abby to reach all his hair, and hey, plenty of room, so why not), eyes closed, when he feels a draft and hears Abby saying, 'Hi.'
One eye peeks open, and now Breena is in the shower, too, which… Okay, he guesses that makes a certain amount of sense. Jimmy's apparently on making sure someone is awake and in the room with babies, so now would be a good time for Breena to get a shower, too, and after all, it's not like they've never seen her naked or anything.
They didn't specifically say anything about this, but he figures Jimmy has to know she's doing this. They don't just… mess around like that, she wouldn't just hop in without mentioning it to him first, but… He's not sure where the lines are.
"You're thinking too hard," Breena says to him, reaching over him to grab her shampoo. (Speaking of things Tim's enjoying, Breena's breast dangling over his head when he's inches from her pussy, while he's in the shower, getting his hair washed by Abby, is rapidly leaping up his 'Things-I-adore' list.) "Not going down smelling like sex, not when we're sharing a room. Jimmy'll hop in as soon as one of us is out."
That makes sense to him.
Abby gently nudges his shoulder and he stands up, back to the nearest shower head, letting his hair rinse out.
"Shave?" she asks him.
He rubs his face. Doesn't feel too rough. Not smooth either. Normally, he'd wait for Sunday morning… Er… It's Friday, not Saturday. Normally he'd shave today. Normally he'd be going to work, too. "Your choice." She kisses him, thinks for a minute, and hands him his razor. "Plans for later?" he asks.
She grins at him, kisses his left shoulder, and heads out. "I'll go spell Jimmy."
He'd have to admit that it feels a little odd to be naked, in the shower, alone with Breena, but, really, only a little. If anything, the weird bit is how normal this is. Just getting a shower with his best girlfriend, no biggie. That feels weird.
There's no mirror in there, so he's shaving by feel, also tricky with one hand, but not impossible. (Shave, rinse, put down razor, feel, repeat as needed.)
"You need help with that?" She says as she's sudsing up her hair.
"Uh… I… I mean I don't need it, but… if you're offering…" Breena nod, lets her hair rinse out, and then steps closer to him, and holds out her hand for the razor. He's pretty grateful that he got off less than half an hour ago, because he's really not sure what the lines are for when the other two aren't with them, and in any other circumstance naked Breena, in the shower, let alone naked Breena, in the shower,touching him, would get him hard.
"Not like I don't do this for a good forty percent of my clients."
"Oh." He hands her the razor and stands very still.
She tilts his head up and to the left a bit. "Obviously, some of the guys we get in are still shaving, but, a lot of them are old, and sick, and" she's gently slipping the razor over his skin, "and maybe the people caring for them might have done it, but, usually it's not on the list."
She's lifted the blade away from his skin when he feels another draft of cold air, followed by Jimmy getting in. He looks at Tim, shakes his head, and says, "God, you're milking that arm for all that it's worth, aren't you?"
Tim opens his mouth, and looks from Breena to Jimmy.
She gently shuts it, tilts his head to the right, and runs the blade over his chin. "I offered. He was doing it one-handed with no mirror, and from the look of it, he'd've been done just in time for Christmas."
Tim waits for the blade not to be on his skin to say, "I wasn't going that slow."
She grins at him, stroking the blade over his upper lip. "You weren't setting any speed records, either."
Once again he waits for her to pull it away, rinsing off stubble and his shave lotion. "I don't do anything that involves a blade on my skin fast."
Jimmy snerks at that, stepping fully into the spray, getting wet all over, and enjoying the water for a moment. He's reaching for the shampoo as he asks, "You gonna do me next?"
Breena lifts the razor away from Tim's jaw, and gently strokes her fingers over his cheek. "And you're done."
"Thanks." He smiles at her, and then kisses her palm before she can pull it away. Tim rubs his face, and it does feel smooth. Then he ducks under the water to finish rinsing off.
While he's rinsing off, she turns to Jimmy. "And I already did you, or were you too sleepy to tell?" she says, patting Jimmy on the ass.
"Not to talk down your skills with a razor, but… That looked a lot more fun than a shave," Tim says with a grin.
Jimmy nods, cocky, then kisses Breena's shoulder. "Oh yeah."
Breena's still holding the razor, eyeballing Jimmy up and down, thinking. "If I were to, 'do you' how much of you would we be talking about?"
Jimmy thinks about it seriously, looking at his pubes, still neatly trimmed, and then says… "Just face. I know I've only got the one blade, and I'm guessing Tim didn't bring a back-up, either, and that's nothing I'm trying with a used razor."
Tim shakes his head. "Just got the one." He's all rinsed off and his shoulder is starting to ache. He's been out of the sling for at least half an hour at this point, which is about as long as he can support the weight of his arm comfortably. "Anyway, time to head out and get dressed. Help keep an eye on little girls."
Tim's pouring Cheerios into Kelly's bowl, when Abbi (who he thought was coming today, but must have showed up last night) heads into the kitchen. "Morn…ing."
He looks at her, curious, trying to figure out what got that sort of a pause, and rapidly comes to the conclusion that he, Abby, and Breena are all sharing a room, with one bathroom, and they all have wet hair.
Which means they all got out of the shower recently.
And, if… say you happen to be in the room that backs up against their bathroom (like Abbi and Gibbs are) you might have noticed only hearing the shower on for twenty minutes, and that it never shut off, which would not necessarily produce the look that's on Abbi's face, after all, he and Abby may have gotten a quick shower, left the water on, and then Breena just darted in after…
But, if you happen to be dating the only other person on earth who has been let in on this whole thing they're inching toward… A person who has been given express permission to tell you what is happening. You might be staring at all three of them, one eyebrow high, having come to what is likely to be an extremely accurate conclusion as to why all three of them are sporting wet hair at the same time, likely with a somewhat inaccurate conclusion as to what exactly happened before getting said shower.
So… how to respond to Abbi staring at all three of them looking, maybe three-quarters curious with a little alarmed in there for good measure?
No shame! "Morning," Tim says, smiling at her.
"I'm on eggs," Abby adds. "Want some?"
"Uh." Abbi shakes her head a bit. "Sure, yeah, that sounds good."
Breena hands her a cup of coffee, which Tim snags en route to Abbi and takes custody of for himself. "She likes that black tar stuff Jethro does. Besides, this is decaf, for me."
"You drink decaf?" Abbi can't believe anyone who's ever worked for or with Jethro could possibly drink decaf.
Tim sighs. Not like he loves decaf. "I do when she's pregnant. No caffeine for her, I can skip it, too."
Abbi thinks about that, while Tim resets the coffee pot with Black Death, making a mental note to get one of those K cup machines for when they come back. 'Course, this time next year, the house will be done, so they may not be coming back here. He's figuring out which one he's going to get for the house when Abbi says, "You drink alcohol, though."
Tim nods, shrugging a little. Never occurred to him to stop drinking alcohol.
Abby says, "Caffeine's a daily thing. Cutting it out hurts. I'd normally, at most, have a glass or two of wine a week, so saying goodbye to alcohol isn't a big deal. I'm not staring at him, jonesing for a drink, when he's got a cider or something, but the first week I was pregnant with Kelly, there were times I wanted to drink his coffee I was craving caffeine so bad."
"Abby doesn't like coffee," Breena adds in, not sure if Abbi knows that or not.
Abby winces. "Really don't like it."
"So, it's your honeymoon, Abby's barely pregnant, going cold turkey, and you're still drinking coffee? When'd you stop drinking it?" Abbi asks Tim.
"When we got home from our honeymoon. We didn't both need to be going through withdrawal at the same time. At any given time we get on a whole lot better if at least one of us is sane. So, she got to go through withdrawal and I stayed sane. Then we got home, and she was perky and happy, and I was the massive pain in the ass. Wasn't nearly as bad this time, since neither of us was as badly hooked—"
Abby laughs. "For you. What with the whole you were unconscious for most of it thing."
"We both cut out the caffeine when we were trying for Sean." Abby gives Tim a I did not just meet you look. "Okay, I'd been down to a cup…" she's still eyeballing him, "or three at work when that happened. Actual cups, in mugs, and most of them were decaf!" He gestures with his fingers to indicated small cups. "I was cutting back! Anyway, we're kind of crabby and annoying during the first few days of cold turkey. No one's fun to be around when they've got a splitting headache."
"Is that why you were such a bear when you got home?" Jimmy asks, heading into the kitchen, wearing his swim trunks and traditional, 'I'm-on-vacation-showing-off-my-abs-unbuttoned-hawiian-shirt.' (Also with wet hair and obviously fresh out of the shower. Tim sees Abbi take note of that, and wonders what she's thinking.)
"Yeah. Splitting headache that lasted for three days."
"Thought you were just grumpy because you had to be back at work."
"Some of that, too. Mostly splitting headache."
"So, when did you get in?" Breena asks Abbi.
"Not too late. Bit after eleven. Got our meeting wrapped, thought about going home, sleeping, and coming in the morning and just… Nope. Done with DC, done with work, the ocean's calling and I want back on it."
Jimmy smiles at that. "Do you miss that about office work, less time on the water?"
"Yes! I never even saw the ocean until I was nineteen and they were flying us to Germany—"
"Germany?" Breena asks.
"Dover to Berlin to Saudi to Iraq. Got to sit near a window, saw the ocean for the first time from ten thousand feet up. Wasn't anything I grew up with or felt drawn to, but, now… Go too long on land, and I start to ache for it."
"Then it's a good thing you know a guy with a boat," Gibbs says, walking into the kitchen, patting Abbi on the rear, looking very relaxed. All little girls get good morning kisses, and so do the big girls, and by then the coffee's done, so Gibbs ambles over and pours a cup for Abbi and himself.
"Don't suppose we've got a newspaper?" Gibbs asks.
Jimmy stands up. "Let me get my iPad, any paper you want is on there."
"I know that. My phone's in my pocket. Just seems like a morning where an actual, physical paper would be nice. Sip coffee, eat breakfast, go lay on the porch and do the crossword, in pen."
That gets some chuckling.
Abby's got the eggs done and is ladling them out. "Got toast popping up in a sec, too. Anyone want anything else?"
"I think we're good," Jimmy replies. "Thanks."
Abbi ferries plates from the counter to the kitchen table, and after a moment, toast is up, and everyone has breakfast.
"I know Ziva and I have a date for the farmer's market, but, what else is up for today?"
"Whatever you like. Once the dishes are done, I'm taking the girls down to the beach. We've got some splashing around to do," Breena says.
"I'm helping with that," Abby adds, she pets Kelly's hair. "Looks like this one loves the water."
"Waves! Jumping with Uncle Jetro!"
"And Molly's voted for her plans," Jimmy adds. "You make sure Uncle Jethro gets to play the games he wants to, too. He might want to spend some time with Abbi. Maybe do come cooking with her and Aunt Ziva…"
Gibbs holds up his hands. "Like Tony, I've volunteered to carry groceries and be a lab rat for recipe testing purposes. Only thing I'm cooking is s'mores. Molly, do you know what a s'more is?"
She shakes her head no.
"They're yummy. Tonight, if you eat dinner, and Mama says it's okay, we're gonna make some."
"How do we make them?"
"We're gonna go on the beach and find lots of driftwood, and we're gonna build a big fire. Then we'll get some sticks and put big marshmallows on the sticks, and roast them over the fire, and then we'll make sandwiches of the marshmallow, graham crackers, and chocolate."
Molly's eyes are wide, and she is so ready to do that. "Now!"
"Soon. Breakfast, and then sun block, and then down on the beach we go!"
"Looks like you've got morning plans set," Abby says to Gibbs.
"Any idea when you and Ziva are hitting the Farmer's market?" Tim asks Abbi.
Abbi shrugs. "They've got to get up first. Didn't hear any signs of life from their room when I was coming down."
There's a bit of smirking around the table at that. "You know, Ziva's usually up at the crack of dawn…" Tim adds.
"If not before. She gets up at… 05:00 to run," Abby says.
"Maybe she's feeling sleepy," Jimmy says, staring at Gibbs, with another smirk.
Abbi's watching all of them, knowing she's missing something going on here.
Breena fills her in, "We all know she's pregnant. We all know he knows she's pregnant. But he still won't say."
Gibbs grins, shaking his head. "Nothing to say."
"Uh huh," Abby says. "Sure. If I go into your basement, I'm going to see the start of some sort of baby thing down there."
Gibbs nods. He does have some baby stuff started. "Sean's gonna need a crib, too." He's also got a rocking chair for Little D and a crib as well, in the works. He may have said the rocking chair that Tim and Abby got had strings on it, but when he said that he hadn't realized both families would have nursing infants at the same time. Since the one chair is already home with the McGees, the DiNozzos are getting a new one. "Can't have my boy sleeping in a drawer."
That also gets a smile, and effectively changes the topic away from Little D.
Breakfast is fast, and soon done. Since Abby and Breena did most of the cooking the guys are on clean up. Jimmy's at the sink, Gibbs is ferrying dishes back and forth, and Tim's keeping them company. After the first round of dishes, Gibbs heads back toward the table, back to Jimmy, so he doesn't see what comes next, but Tim does.
He's feeling proud of himself for not giving it away. Gibbs is bending over the table, saying something to Abbi, who's leaning against the fridge. He sees Jimmy reach for his waistband at his back, under his shirt, and Tim knows that motion. If he saw it on the street, he'd be jumping for cover, and even knowing that there is no possible way Jimmy's about to pull a gun, his hand does scramble toward where his gun should be just on sheer reflex alone.
No, Jimmy's not pulling a gun from under his shirt, it's a water pistol, that, apparently he had tucked into his swim trunks, under his shirt, and he quickly aims, fires, and hits Gibbs, causing him to go leaping and turning into the air, while grinning and saying, "Got ya!"
For a second, Tim's a little scared that Gibbs is about to kill Jimmy, that his I've been attacked reflex is in charge and his brain is checked out, but it's only a second, and then Gibbs stops looking like a cat that's just been dumped into a bathtub full of water and starts to laugh, long and loud.
"You're dead, Palmer."
Jimmy's grinning at him. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nine more of them in the living room. Load up and put your money where your mouth is, old man!"
Abby's already darting out, pulling Abbi and Breena along, grinning and bubbling at the idea of no-holds-barred water pistol war.
Tim's feeling a little mope-y because he's a bit too hurt to really play with this, and he's got nowhere good to hide a water pistol. At least, not without a thigh holster, and even then, he thinks it'd probably look pretty lumpy under his kilt.
"So, I guess I'm babysitting while you all run around and shoot each other."
"Good plan!" Breena says. "Come on, let's get everyone on the beach."
On the upside, it's really easy to entertain very small babies on the beach. He makes sandcastles, Anna smashes them. Little, tiny eight-month-old Hulk Smash. Kelly likes that game, too. Molly also appreciates the Godzilla game where he makes a bunch of little castles and she stomps through them making little, high-pitched roars. By the time the adults are done shooting each other, he's built several small cities that have been utterly destroyed by three tiny girls having a very good time.
Toddlers and destruction, that never gets old. He's thinking he can build up the whole beach and they'll just happily keep smashing.
And then, after mid-morning snack time, Anna has her morning nap, (on the blanket on the sand, next to the beach chair Tim's relaxing in) and Kelly and Molly went off to play in the water with the rest of the grown-ups.
Which means, Tim's got thinking time. And, after last night and this morning, a lot of thinking to do.
Like, about sex. Doesn't matter how much porn you've seen, real sex is different.
And Tim knows that. He's had more than enough real sex to know that what he's doing and what's on the screen aren't the same thing. And he assumes that other guys, real guys, are also not having porn-style sex in their real lives. (Or, at least for the sakes of their wives/girlfriends/hookups whatever, he hopes they aren't.)
So, yeah he's seen sex, choreographed, scripted sex, but he's never really watched someone else have sex.
He really likes watching. Not just in a, damn this is fucking hot, sort of way (though it is. Good Lord, yes, it is!) but…
Porn is all about getting you off. You pick whatever you like, skim over the "boring" stuff, and get right into it. For the purpose of getting you hot, hard, off, and done, in say, six minutes, porn is great. (Not to say that Tim's doing much with porn these days because… well, he's got a finite number of orgasms in him a day, and these days Abby's got first dibs on them. But back in the day, he watched more than enough porn to feel comfortable making generalizations about it.)
However, were he to be watching porn, Tim will never voluntarily sign up to watch a heterosexual couple neck for ten minutes. (Two girls is a different story altogether. He'll watch that all night.) If there were ten minutes of necking on one of his videos (there never has been), he'd fast forward.
But, he'll watch Jimmy and Breena neck, and enjoy it. Part of it is that they're enjoying it. Maybe there's porn out there where the people doing it genuinely like each other and enjoy kissing and whatnot, but if so, he hasn't seen it. Most of the porn he's seen has involved professionals doing a job. They don't really look like they're enjoying themselves. (But again, that's not why you watch porn.)
But Jimmy and Breena love each other, and love sex with each other, and love the pleasure of this time where… it's not hot and heavy, but… It's close and warm and intimate.
And… look, he and Jimmy are both thirty-eight, and thirty-nine is a hell of a lot closer than thirty-seven these days. Kissing alone no longer sends dicks leaping to full attention in twenty seconds or less. Kissing and rubbing, that's good. Kissing with fantasy/story time, that'll do it, too. But, just lips on lips… takes a bit more than that these days.
But just because it's not instilling instant hard-ons doesn't mean that it's anything he'd want to skip. The pleasure of ramping up is good. A physical act of that gentle communication of bodies, of shedding the rest of the day and focusing on each other, that's important.
He's guessing that's what Jimmy and Breena get out of it, too.
Or maybe not.
But it's clear they like it. And watching someone else experience pleasure makes you feel good, too. Feel really good.
And when things do get hot and heavy... Okay, look, he's never going to turn down getting to watch a beautiful woman climax. That's something he's always in favor of seeing. But again, in porn it's all faked. But this is real. Breena's really having a good time, skin flushed, muscles tight, nipples hard, body twitching, that's gorgeous. Crazy hot, but beautiful, and so intimate.
Watching Jimmy is a surprise. He knew he was going to like watching Breena get off. Knew that'd get him right in the balls. That was a no brainer. He didn't imagine he'd find watching Jimmy get off particularly… anything really.
Scratch that. He didn't think he'd watch Jimmy get off. It'd just be something that happened while he was watching Breena.
Guys in porn are either props or a point of view to piggy back into the action on. And, when he's watching, since he's usually pretty far removed from even the idea of the character of the guy in the porno, Tim treats them like props. Just something the girls are playing with. He was expecting that's what would happen when he was watching Jimmy, he'd be a prop, too, something making Breena feel good.
And he knows this sounds dumb, what with the fact that pretty much every porno with a guy in it all end the same way, but… Guys in porn aren't having a really good time. Just like the girls, they're pros doing a job.
But, Jimmy's a guy, a friend, a... lover? whatever, not a prop, very much not a prop, having a very good time. Turns out Tim likes watching the guy having the very good time, well, at least if he's Jimmy. And Tim is really surprised to see his eyes didn't stay glued to Breena when they're fucking. More surprised to see that he likes watching Jimmy, too.
He's not precisely sure what, if anything, beyond the fact that people he loves fucking each other turns him on, that means, but… He's also not worried about it.
Part of it is just actually seeing what other real people do. Sure, they talk about sex, but… Never with that sort of detail. (Well, the girls do, he and Jimmy and Tony don't. They tend to talk about sex in nouns, one word declarative statements of what happened. "Laid" "Oral" and the like. "Leaned back at a sixty degree angle, her leaning forward playing with your balls while you rub her butt" not so much.) It's just… okay… cool really. As both a cop and a writer, Tim is interested in people. He likes to study them, see what they do, and how.
And this is a lot of new what people do and how.
So, even if this is as far as they ever go, even if they never do this again, he's really liking this.
And, honestly, he's hoping they do this, or more, again.
He doesn't remember falling in love with Abby. Sounds dumb, but it's true. He remembers liking her, really liking her, and being so nervous about saying anything, but finally, they went to that poetry slam, and he got up on stage and laid that poem on her, and she kind of froze at it, then, because he didn't have the sense God gave a bug back then, he doubled down and told her he really liked her, and she flipped out.
Turns out she liked the poem (even the finger snaps). She's still got a copy of it. (That makes him smile.)
Not long after that they weren't dating any more. (Turns out she really liked him, too, and that was a problem, for her…)
But somehow, over the years, and ups and downs and in-betweens (because there were all of those things) 'really like you' shifted to, 'I'm not sure what I'd do if you weren't in my life.' When Mike died, that was true. He knew it absolutely. And between whatever was happening with Cade, and his own fear, he didn't do anything for a year.
But, by the time he got his head out of his ass, by the time he was ready to move, he loved her and had loved her for quite a while.
These years have deepened it, strengthened it, but that love's been their foundation, the whole way through.
He wonders if what this thing with Jimmy and Breena is qualifies as falling in love with them… Or not. He loves them. He can… maybe not pinpoint when it began, but he knows there was a time he didn't love them, and there was a time when he did. So somehow, sometime between Laser tag and losing Jon, they went from friends to loves.
He thinks more about it, wondering how much, if any, difference there is between love and in love, or if really, it's all about the sex. You're in love with people you want to have sex with, you love the people you don't.
He loves Tony and he loves Gibbs and he loves Jimmy… And he's absolutely certain he does not want to have sex with any of them. At all… Probably… Okay, there'll be more thinking about that, too, because watching Jimmy fuck is vastly hotter than he thought it could be.
But, as his brain goes tumbling around on this, the point he's searching for is that at least on a surface level, he doesn't want to have sex with Jimmy, and he does want to have sex with Breena (A lot, in every position imaginable, and he wants Abby to help, and he wants Jimmy there, too, and… yeah…), and if you asked him, "Are you in love with Breena?" he'd have a really easy time saying yes to that. And if you asked him 'Are you in love with Jimmy?' he'd probably say no.
But he'd be absolutely damned if he could tell you what emotional difference there is between how he feels about them, besides the fact that he doesn't want to fuck Jimmy.
Are you in love with Breena… Yes… That feels comfortable. He's good with that answer. Nothing about that is wrong or forced or anything. It feels solid and easy.
Do you feel the same way about Breena that you do about Abby?
No. And that's absolutely true, too.
He thinks about that more, too, trying to place it, because he thinks it's more than just years of life with Abby.
More thinking and he comes up with this, if something happened to Breena, it would be devastating. He'd grieve and ache, physically, mentally, on every level he'd hurt from her loss. But he'd still be himself without her.
But if he lost Abby, it would change him. It would alter who he is in a way that the loss of any other relationship couldn't.
Abby's husband… that's his core. That love, that relationship, like he said in his vows, that's his bedrock, and he doesn't know who he'd be if he lost that love. He'd survive it, because he'd have to, because at least one of them needs to be there for the kids, but… it would break him in a way he'd never fully come back from.
And that's not true about Breena.
"Deep thoughts?" Gibbs asks, sitting on the blanket next to Tim.
Tim inclines his head. "Yeah." He looks at Gibbs, knows he's checking in on all of them. "We're really okay."
Gibbs nods. "You guys look it." Abby, Jimmy, and Breena are playing in the surf with Ducky and Penny, and the girls. Tony's showing off, bodysurfing. (Abbi and Ziva have headed off in search of goodies for dinner.)
"Yeah. It's good."
"So…" Gibbs roots around in his bag for a moment, comes up with a tennis ball, and tosses it into the water. Mona sees it and goes tearing off into the surf after it.
Tim shakes his head a bit. "Love stuff. Just sorting things out. Feels okay, but, you know me, I want labels and boxes and context for it all."
"So, you told Abbi? Not that it's a problem or anything…"
"Yeah. While back."
"And she's cool with it?"
"It doesn't bug her. If she's got anything against it, it's the same thing I do, neither of us know anyone who managed to do it and keep it going."
Tim hadn't known that. "You know people who…"
"I was there for the seventies and early eighties, remember? I knew swingers… Knew of them, at least."
"Oh." Tim thinks for a moment. He and Abby talked about that some, and at least right now he feels like he's got an answer for that. "This isn't that. That's kind of what I'm thinking about. That's mostly sex, right?"
Gibbs shrugs. "Maybe? Knew of them, never did it."
Tim doesn't say anything for a bit. Still thinking. "The world's full of hot people."
Gibbs nods; that's not a controversial statement. Mona's back, so he tosses the tennis ball again.
"And… Between some of the clubs Abby and I like and the internet, it's not like it'd be difficult to find people to fuck if that was it."
Also not anything Gibbs is going to quibble about. He certainly never had any problem finding warm bodies to keep him company back when he was Tim's age.
"So, I'm not saying sex isn't… part of it, a big part of it, but… You ever do that thing... with sex... in high school, probably... You can go this far, but no further?"
Gibbs nods again and smiles dryly. "Didn't lose my virginity until my wedding night. Know all about lines and rules."
Tim feels a little foolish; he'd forgotten that. "Good point. Well, we've got that line. But… it's still good. Even if that line never goes away, it's still good. It's still close and intimate and love and… It's good." He thinks some more, watching the other three playing in the surf, and for the first time he's thinking that, yeah, they probably can go further and he's not going to flip out and this is going to be okay. But he's thinking it, not feeling it, yet. "Probably be better without the line, but… this is good."
"So, you weren't kidding, you're not…"
Tim shakes his head. "Not yet. Taking it slow. Playing. Feeling our way around, making sure everyone is comfortable and good. I don't know anyone who's made this work, either. Abby says she does. Friends of friends who've been in a stable foursome for twenty years now. According to her there's a whole community for this, support groups, social groups, all sorts of stuff. Not sure I want or need all of that, but, it's out there."
"Okay." Gibbs isn't sure exactly what playing means, but… "That line might not matter. If your heads are right, the bodies'll follow."
Tim nods at that; it matches his own thoughts on the subject. "I think you're right. But… slow's probably real good. Make sure heads are rock solid on this before tossing bodies into play."
Another quiet moment. "If it weren't Jimmy and Breena, then sex would have never come into it." Tim says, about half-taking to Gibbs, half-feeling it out for himself. "Back in the beginning, when we were starting out again, we'd talked about other people, and the idea was fine, but practice… We'd both be way too jealous for it, and honestly, there's no other guy on Earth I could even think about doing this with. Just… doesn't matter how hot he is, or how much Abby's drooling over him, not gonna happen, don't want or need another guy in my bed. That was a deal breaker.
"But we love them already. That comes first. Our… friendship… or whatever this is, and that opened up more options. Or… Hell, I don't know. Liked Breena from the first time I saw a picture of her. Long before she was a person to me, she was something desirable. But… I'm pretty sure that the friendship allows the sex, or not sex, or whatever this is and ends up being to happen. That without that, it'd never be more than hot stories we tell each other to get revved up." Tim shakes his head. "I'm rambling."
"It's okay. Do as much thinking and rambling as you need on this one." Gibbs stands up, Mona's back with the tennis ball, and he feels like he's all checked in with Tim here.
Tim nods. "Jethro?"
"It matters… to me, that you're cool with this. You know, in a way that it doesn't for the rest of them. And… I get this probably isn't your idea of normal, but… thanks for not flipping out."
Gibbs nods, reaches down, ruffles Tim's hair, and says, "All part of being a dad."
Tim smiles up at him. Gibbs smiles back and heads to the water. Quietly, more thinking it than speaking it, Tim says, "Thanks, Dad."
Sex to love to family to love and back to sex. He's thirty-eight. He's married. He's got people who love him. Whatever the hell sexuality he may happen to have, it's not a problem.
But, as a guy who has very comfortably referred to himself as straight for, basically, as long as he's known it was an option, the fact that he is enjoying watching Jimmy, too is, not disturbing, but certainly feels like something that requires more thinking about. And with Anna still napping away, Tim's fairly sure this is his prime thinking time.
You can't grow up with, or live in Penny's world, without being aware of the idea that gay is one end of a spectrum and straight's on the other end and Asexual makes up an entirely different line. And she'd certainly tell you that people are born somewhere in the middle and usually end up pushed to one side or the other by societal expectations, but naturally, all people are gender and preference fluid.
Tim's skeptical of that, on all levels, not just sexual. He tends to think you're wired to like certain things, and you may wiggle around a bit on those things, but pretty much, you like what you like and that's that, and no amount of cajoling will make you like something you don't. After all, if you could be pushed into liking something you don't, he'd be a fucking sailor by now, right? And happy about it.
But, he also knows that he is not the vast font of all knowledge and given there are billions of people on the planet, it's likely that for at least some of them, both he and Penny are right.
There was certainly a time where he was worried he might have been gay or bi. His dad called him a fag all the time, and made it exceptionally clear that was a bad thing. He knew being a fag was a bad thing before he knew what it meant to be gay. Tony told the girls at work he was gay. Having figured out that anal play was something he liked made him wonder some. He knows for a fact he's significantly more femme than Joe Average, but… As best he can tell the defining characteristic of being a gay or bi male is wanting to have sex with other males, and, well, he doesn't.
Best he can remember, he never has.
He has and had gay acquaintances, he had gay friends in college, and at no point did he ever feel himself thinking, "Hey, let's try that out." Yeah, back in college he wasn't exactly rocking anyone's world, but he had horny gay friends; he's fairly sure that at least for a one off to blow off some steam or something one of them would have agreed. But asking or trying or even thinking of asking never hit him, even though he was often climbing the walls horny himself.
'Cause, they were guys.
And he's not attracted to guys. He doesn't dream about them. He doesn't fantasize about them. The only dick he's interested in touching is his own. (And about five out of six times when he does that, he's pretending someone else is touching his dick, a female someone else.)
He thinks about that. It feels right. Still. He really liked watching Jimmy. Head back, hands clenched, gasping quietly, legs tight and quivering, cock slowly sinking into Breena's pussy. Yeah, he liked watching that a whole lot. At first, he was just watching the sex. Cock and pussy, pink and wet, spread wide and slippery and… maybe he could be thinking a bit less about that because his dick's enjoying that image a bit more than is strictly necessary for sitting on the beach, baby wrangling.
He shifts a bit, and wishes he had an honest-to-goodness book. His cell phone is not particularly well designed for hiding an erection should any of the rest of the crew come wandering over.
He brings that image back to mind, trying to keep the focus on Jimmy, and on what exactly he was enjoying about seeing that. Basic aesthetics? Jimmy is attractive. In a kind of goofy, sort of dopy… No. That's not it. Jimmy was in the shower with them, just as naked, same damn body he had ten minutes earlier when he was getting off, and that did precisely nothing for Tim.
Breena in the shower was good. He liked that. Enjoyed seeing her get washed off on several levels beyond mere aesthetic appreciation. But Jimmy… eh… he was mostly just there. He's seen Jimmy naked dozens of times, and with the exception of when Breena and sex have been added into the mix, naked Jimmy's never gotten so much as a second glance from Tim.
So, it was definitely the sex. That was hot. That was amazing, scorching hot. He thinks about it more, potential erection be damned. He can pretend to be napping if need be. Guys get hard when they sleep. He puts the phone down, scoots a bit lower on the beach chair, and lets himself look and feel sleepy. (Maybe he will get a nap. Nap sounds pretty damn good right now. Probably good things on tap for tonight, might be nice to be well-rested for them…)
Jimmy on his back, Breena straddling his face. He's licking her. Tim was watching, liking that a whole lot. Liking the… sense memory of having done the same thing (with Abby, obviously). Jimmy was stroking himself with one hand, fingering Breena with the other, and that… Yeah, Tim liked that, too.
He's got his own memories of that. Abby's pussy on his face, the smell and wet and taste and feel. His hand slick with her cum, stroking himself. How, short of 69ing, that's as close as you can get to full sensory sex.
He was sitting up, Abby in his lap, facing away from him, slipping up and down on him. He liked that a whole lot, too. He remembers fantasizing of Abby shifting a bit, leaning forward, sucking Jimmy down. He remembers wanting to see how Jimmy would have responded to that. (Still does. Would like to be the guy at the bottom of that pile, too.)
Abby on her hands and knees. Him behind her, fucking slow and smooth. Jimmy's cock in her mouth, and her long, nimble fingers rolling his balls. God, yeah, that's really good. He shifts a bit more, so he's reclined on his side, and really hopes he looks asleep.
He keeps thinking of that, and images like that, but… Yeah, no desire at all, no fantasy, of him actually touching Jimmy.
He makes himself imagine it. Breena's riding Jimmy's face. He reaches over and gives Jimmy a hand. And it's not disgusting or anything, but… it doesn't hit him right. There's nothing sexy about it. Mostly the idea of doing it makes him want to giggle. (Possibly because he can't imagine it without Jimmy jerking up, looking at him really confused, saying 'The fuck, Tim?!' while swatting his hand away.)
The image of blowing him. Tim sets that up. Say, he's on his hands and knees, and Abby behind him, fucking him good and hard, getting his prostate over and over again, she's got him feeling crazy hot, to the point where he'll do anything to keep feeling so good, and Breena's riding Jimmy's face, flushed and moaning, but Jimmy's dick's just there, all alone, red and hard, a strand of precum between the tip and his belly, just a few inches from Tim's mouth and he leans forward opens his mouth and... Nope. That image just doesn't work. It's nothing he wants to do. He wants to watch Breena flip around and suck Jimmy. He wants to see Abby do it. Hell, Jimmy touching himself, even. He wants to see Jimmy get off, hard, flushed and shaking and moaning, cumming all over the place.
Do it himself… Uh... No.
It's not disgusting. He's not feeling any sort of visceral aversion to it. Not like being sat down in front of a big pile of cottage cheese and maggots and offered a spoon while the cook says, 'Eat up.' Just the idea of that gets his gag reflex going, and the idea of going down on Jimmy doesn't do that to him.
And there's certainly no sense of fear. Fear he knows inside and out, and whatever's got his brain going NO in no uncertain terms isn't fear.
He's fairly sure he's not finding the idea embarrassing. Maybe… Might be some of that in there. (The desire to giggle might be a less than subtle hint that there's some embarrassment in there.)
He's thinking that it's like running a marathon. He can do it. (Probably. Okay, not right now, but before the test he could have.) It's not bad or evil or anything like that. But he doesn't want to. It doesn't sound like fun, and there are way, way, way better things he'd rather spend his time on. (Like the naked girls who are also part of that fantasy. Much, much more fun!)
He hasn't had any particularly in-depth conversations with Abby about how being bi works, but he's fairly certain that it involves some sort of desire to actually engage in sex with people of the same sex. That it's not just a watching thing. And that it's really not just a,well, this isn't disgusting, sort of thing. He's thinking there should be some level of enthusiasm for something along the lines of touching or being touched by the other person…
He can see Jimmy and Breena and Abby in the surf, playing, and he likes watching that. They're having fun, together, with their babies. He really likes watching the girls. Abby's in a little two piece, tummy just starting to swell with Sean, warm, soft, big, pregnant breast bobbing around each time she moves, her butt also round and swaying with each step. God, yes, he loves that. White skin and black ink and black bathing suit. So good! And Breena, she's in this little coral one piece, but it's got the middle cut out, so he can see tummy and back and every time she steps she sways and jiggles and, yeah, that's utterly fantastic. Long, wet hair trailing over her shoulders, kissing the tips of her breasts. He will happily watch that any time, any day, for as long as it's available.
Jimmy in board shorts? Tim's aware of the fact that Jimmy's got a good body. Probably better than good. But, nope, it's just not doing anything for him. Beyond liking watching him have a good time with the girls, nothing's happening.
He's not sure what that means, or if it matters, or anything else along those lines, but, he's feeling pretty comfortable with it, and right now, baby snoozing next to him, and likely very good things coming tonight, that nap is calling.