Friday, July 12, 2013

Shards To A Whole: Chapter 132

McGee-centric character study/romance. Want to start at the beginning? Click here.

Chapter 132: A Question For Dr. Palmer

"Ducky, can I borrow Jimmy?" Both Jimmy and Ducky looked up at him as Tim headed into Autopsy and said that.

It was a paperwork day, so grabbing Jimmy for coffee shouldn't be an issue, but it's still a good idea to ask before grabbing.

"Certainly Timothy, though, were you to return with hot water for tea as well as Jimmy, it wouldn't go amiss."

"No problem, Ducky. Come on."

They were in the elevator, and Tim had it stopped before Jimmy asked, "So what's going on?"

"I want to ask you a medical question."

"Fire away."

"It's about Abby."

Jimmy shrugged a little. "Tim, I'm not an obstetrician, I'll give you the best answer I can, but… I might not be the right guy to ask."

"Well, since I'd rather not ask our sixty-year-old, female OB this, how about I ask you as guy who pays attention when he has sex with his pregnant wife? And if you don't know, I'll google the hell out of it on Tony's computer."

Jimmy was staring at him like he's insane.

"It's personal. And I still need to get him back because he thought it'd be fun to download a ton of Elf porn on mine last week."

"Elf porn?"

Tim rolled his eyes. "Yeah, for as vanilla as he is in real life, he's got no problem coming up with some fairly nasty kinks when he's pranking me."

Jimmy was still just staring at him.
(Good Legolas animation, not elf porn!)
"Stuff you never, ever wanted to see Legolas doing."

"Which one was Legolas?" Yes, Tim's read everything JRR Tolkien wrote, and all the commentary to go with it. But Jimmy got about a hundred pages into The Fellowship of the Ring before deciding it was painfully boring and putting it down. He's seen the movies, and liked them, but was still kind of fuzzy on who was who.

"Orlando Bloom."

Jimmy looked really surprised at that. "He found porn staring Orlando Bloom?"

"No, it was animated. But, let's put it this way, there was a really unhealthy level of attraction between him and his arrows and quiver."

"Ullgh..." Jimmy shuddered and winced. "Splinters?"

"I'd assume so."

"Yuck! So, what's up?"

"She… tastes different, is that normal?"

Jimmy smiled. "Less acidic?"


He smiled even wider. "Her body's Ph changes when she's pregnant. Everything else the same?"


"Fluids clear?"


"Still tastes good to you?"

"Uh huh."

"Don't worry about it. Because of the shift, she can get yeast infections easier than usual, but as long as things still taste and smell good, and stay clear, she's fine."


Jimmy nodded. "I can see not wanting to ask the OB that."

Tim wasn't exactly blushing, but his face certainly shows discomfort at the idea of having this chat with their obstetrician. "Yeah, I mean, obviously, we have sex, that's the whole reason we're there, after all, but…"


"Anything else I should know about?"

Jimmy grinned, big smug smirk on his face. "All of her pink parts'll get redder, usually more sensitive. That's normal, too."

"Noticed that." Tim smiled, remembering Saturday.

"Yeah, a pregnant wife, assuming you can keep her awake and not throwing up long enough to have sex, is real a treat."

"So far throwing up isn't a problem."

"Yeah, but awake on the other hand…" Jimmy's delivered more than a few samples to a sleeping Abby over the last month.


Tim flicked the elevator back on.

Jimmy flicked it back off. "So, you actually watched the elf porn long enough to find out what it was about?"

"Errrr…" Tim looked horrifically embarrassed by that. "He had it labeled Hobbit Trailer/Concept Art. And he's a movie guy. And it was two days before my birthday, so it wasn't impossible he was trying to do something nice for me."

"Uh huh…" Jimmy's giving him the are you really this gullible? look.

"Anyway, it took me a few seconds to figure out what was going on. And I'd already called Abby over to see it, and she wanted to know what it was, and well, if I scrambled around trying to turn it off on a second's notice, she would have laughed at me, so I kept it playing, and… there are some things you just can't unsee. Worst use of fletching, ever." Tim shuddered.

Jimmy laughed for a good long minute at that. Then said, "So, since googling is out, what are you going to do to get him back?"

"I'm thinking of sending his Rabbi a Bacon of the Month Club subscription as a Christmas gift in his name."

Jimmy's jaw dropped. "Oh… That's terrible!"

Tim looked very satisfied at that reaction. "Thank you."

"Though if you want to be able to go to his wedding, which since you're the best man is kind of important, let alone not get accused of a hate crime, you might want to skip that plan."

Tim winced, realizing that yeah, that probably was a few steps too far. "Good point. I'll figure something out. He's not too hard to fluster if you know the right buttons to push. Might send Gibbs some more of that honey dust stuff..."


"You didn't hear that story?"


Tim flicked on the elevator and filled Jimmy in over their coffee break.


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