On Friday of week sixteen, they went to a second adoption agency. This time, Michael didn't wear Armani. Fi dressed down, too, taking off her engagement ring, and though they both used their real names, they added thick southern accents.
By the time Michael was talking about having been laid off from his construction job three years earlier, and how he and Fi were the only support for his mother, who had dementia and tended to violent outbursts, the lady at this agency was very willing, eager practically, to sign them up as birth parents and let them start looking at prospective adoptive parents.
They spent seven hours looking at names and files and created a list of people they were deeply unenthusiastic about meeting.
Walking toward the Charger, appointments to meet with prospective adoptive parents set, Fi said, "Ellen might have been on to something."
"Of course she was. But that doesn't mean this is the wrong decision."
"I know. I just..."
"I know, Fi. Trust me, I know." And he does. He knows in his bones that given half a chance and any plausible excuse at all, he'll change his mind about this.
As he drives home, he thinks about the fact that apparently both Brennan and Management were able to keep families safe, despite very dangerous jobs.
But he also knows that he found, or at least guessed well, about Brennan's daughter, and if he could do it to Brennan, then someone else could do it to him.
And if someone can do it to him... That sends a chill through Michael. And that chill pierces through his desire to keep this child. Once upon a time, he was sure he was the smartest man in the room, that no matter the challenge, he was up to conquering it. Now, he knows better.
No, he doesn't want to meet with the couples they've picked out. No, he doesn't want to give this child away. But if this last year has taught him anything, it's that it doesn't matter how good he is, there's always someone better, someone coming from the angle he can't see, and all it takes is a few seconds to stop a heart.
And he knows, driving home with Fi, that he can give this child away. She can, too. It won't be easy. They won't like it. But they will survive, and go on, and know they did the right thing.
But if they keep this child and if something happens to it, it'll break him. It'll be the final trauma he won't be able to come back from. And he's awfully sure losing a child would destroy Fi, as well. So, no matter what Ellen may say, he's not going to change his mind, because he's sure he can't live with the consequences of changing his mind.
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